Jane's Predictions for 2009

The number of homeless Americans will increase drastically due to job loss, the housing crisis, rising cost of living, and Obama's failed "economic plan". Obama's plan which consists of "lending" billions of dollars to companies will ultimately fail and leave America in greater debt.

More hazardous chemicals will be found in a variety of Chinese products. This year was a bad year for Chinese exporters as many products (mostly for small children and infants) were found to contain hazardous or deadly chemicals.

Angelina Jolie will either make more babies or buy them. this will lead Brad to cheat on her while filming a love movie with some other hot actress. Angelina will be left with 10 kids and be forced to increase her number of nannys from 5 to 10.

Stock in Budweiser will triple as Americans drink away their woes.

Barack will pick a dog, weighing all the pros and cons of each breed, and meticulously deciding which dog will bring the most brownie/popularity points with the general public. I'll go as far as to say the dog may have only three legs. There's a way to get sympathy when your foreign relation policy falls through and America falls apart under your belt!

GM will unveil it's new line of fuel efficient cars, which will run soley on apple juice. This will lead employees at Tree Top apple Juice to create a new labor union.
Governor Sarah Palin will pose for Playboy Magazine as Miss March. Enough said.

George Bush has a massive stroke after seeing Palin as a centerfold.

Hope you all enjoyed my predictions for this year. Have a safe and happy year!!!

1 comment:

Committed to Change said...

your predictions made laugh out loud literally. im with you on most. though the apple juice hypothesis just became obsolete. its totally back to the future style, garbage and everything.