Admission of a Hypochondriac

Hypochondriasis (or hypochondria, sometimes referred to as health phobia) refers to an excessive preoccupation or worry about having a serious illness. Often, hypochondria persists even after a physician has evaluated a person and reassured him/her that his/her concerns about symptoms do not have an underlying medical basis or, if there is a medical illness, the concerns are far in excess of what is appropriate for the level of disease. --Thanks Wikipedia :)

Yes it is true, I am a hypochondriac.

The first time I thought that there was something majorly wrong with me was in Kindergarten. I remember walking home from school through a long alley to my house. This alley often was a hangout for local teenagers who would go there to smoke. One afternoon I passed by a cigarette that was laying on the ground and I picked it up thinking "wonder what this is like" I knew that cigarettes were bad for you, and that they caused cancer... This fact had been drilled into me when every time we visited my Grandma my mom would say "Grandma chooses to smoke, and she is going to get cancer and die." --on a side note, she did get cancer and die. I hate it when my mom is right. Makes her think she's always right--anyway, back to kindergarten. I knew smoking caused cancer, and ultimately death. In defiance I gingerly plucked the cigarette butt (which wasn't even lit) from the ground and raised it to my lips. I really don't know why I did this beyond the fact that I knew people put cigarettes in their mouths and I wanted to try it. So here I was cigarette in my mouth in the empty alley way. The second it touched my lips I flipped. I panicked, instantly that seed of fear my mother had placed into me started to grow. I dropped the butt and sprinted the rest of the way to my house crying. I WAS GOING TO DIE! I was inconsolable for almost an hour as thoughts of an unknown death raced through my head. I wasn't just scared that I would eventually get cancer. I knew that I already had it. I also swallowed a penny once and again, I was certain of my inevitable death.

Another time I watched a movie where a small boy was suffering from some horrible illness, and by the end of the movie I had made myself so ill that I vomited for the rest of the night.

It's interesting that the human mind could have so much control over the physical body, and its actions. I can't say that I am much better now. Last week I was convinced that I had oral cancer because I had a bump on my gums. Oh, and don't even get me started on those suspicious moles I have.... Hmmph.

1 comment:

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